Uncover the Thai love life and sexual psyche
Whether you are in love or seeking love with a Thai … a Thai looking for help to express your feelings and thoughts on love and romance in Thai culture in English … or you are simply curious about how Thais think and talk about love and sex … Sex Talk is just what you need.
Heaven Lake Press 2009
B-format paperback, 327 pp.
[The book is available at Kinokuniya & Asia Books in Thailand as “Sex Talk” and “Love Talk” on Amazon in print as well as Kindle ebook.]
Sex Talk: In Search of Love and Romance is a companion to Thai romantic and erotic culture written from a Thai woman’s perspective. Not only that this book gives the reader a rare Thai woman’s insight on the subject, it also tells it like it is. Here’s how “sex” is defined in the book:
Sex, in my view, is much more than coitus … not just what happens in the bedroom, or dirty and smutty or something to be shy about.… It concerns not only what two people do with each other sexually, but also how society sees and treats sex—which also affects how individuals behave in sexual ways….
In Sex Talk, sex is not dirty, dangerous or shameful… It is anything you want it to be: tame or daring, silly or smart, sad or funny, normal or absurd. It is part of life, part of being human, part of love and romance….
And if you think love and romance is not really about sex, you can think again. The word “romance” in Thai translates bluntly as “matter of love and lust”: rûeaang rák rák khrâi khrâi (เรื่องรักๆใคร่ๆ). (p. 6-7)
Sex Talk reveals the Thai thinking about love, romance and sex in the past and the present. The reader is taken on a ‘cultural tour’ through more than 900 words, idioms and slang terms each with explanation and commentary filled with wit, humor and cultural insights that only a bi-cultural Thai woman could give.
Sex Talk covers a broad scope of Thai-style romance from the personalities in the Thai love market, attraction and flirtation to courtship, dating, love, marriage, informal coupling and decoupling. The book helps the reader to understand what it means by “kik,” “golden flower,” “dog stick,” “snake head,” “green rooster,” “old bowl of chilli paste,” etc., and learn the exact Thai words for “sweet heart,” “love fever,” “love slave,” “cougar,” and many more …
Through analysis of words and expressions relating to love and romance, Sex Talk reveals the Thai sexual psyche and how attitudes toward sex in Thai society has changed overtime. The reader may be surprised to learn that the current sexual conservatism among the Thai middle class owes less to the old Thai tradition than to the Victorian values imported only a century ago.
The Thai upper class has found allies in the new middle class in the battle against the ongoing “degradation” of the “Thai Traditional Culture.” If our forefathers and mothers were to rise from their graves today, they might be perplexed, wondering how they could have produced so many prudes. (p. 132)
A Thai female perspective on love and sex is hard to come by, especially in English. Kaewmala’s frankness in discussing the matter is therefore rare—and refreshing (contrary to popular opinion, Thailand is a sexually conservative society and Thai women are not expected to talk publicly, let alone frankly, about things erotic).
“Well crafted … collection of Thai words and expressions that focus on personal relationships [which] the author Kaewmala has sweetened the mix with a fair amount of Thai history and culture…. If you are a student of Thai, you are certain to enjoy adding these and more phrases into your language stash.”
—Catherine Wentworth, womenlearnthai.com
Sex Talk: In Search of Love and Romance has 10 chapters.
1 Sexually Speaking (Introduction)
2 The Thai Sexual Jungle (Get introduced to an eclectic cast of sexual animals in Thai metaphors and find out what your inner sexual animal might be)
3 The Battle Between Love and Lust (Find out how attraction starts, how love and lust develops and sometimes gets out of control, in Thai style)
4 Looking for Love (Get to know the personalities and styles of potential lovers in the Thai love jungle)
5 The Art of Flirting (Learn the Thai art of flirting, the do’s and the don’ts)
6 Traditional Courtship Rituals (Find out about the old Thai courtship tradition and styles, how Thai attitudes toward sex and sexual tensions between Thai men and women have evolved, and important sayings and proverbs about courtship and marriage)
7 Modern Courtship and Dating (Learn about how contemporary Thai lovers date and mate as well as the history and current situation of Thai-farang(Western) relationships)
8 Lovers and Bedmates (Find out the kinds of love and romance Thais have and identify yourself in a line-up of the usual and not-so-usual suspects of lovers and bedmates)
9 In the Eye of the (Thai) Beholder (Understand the Thai perspective on beauty and agreeableness and the national obsession of fair skin)
10 Sexy (or Not), Thai Style (What makes Thai people tick, what they find sexy–or not)
“The book really is an insightful education in to the Thai world of love and romance through the ages and up to modern – day times. For those with an added interest in Thai culture and Thai language it’s an absolute must.”
–Travor Bide, Engaging Thailand, thelifedesigndetective.com
Read Kaewmala’s take on Thai Love in her interview with Bangkok Dan on Absolutely Bangkok.
Listen to Kaewmala audio interview with BangkokPodcast on the nuances of Thai sexuality and Thai-farang romance
A special Valentine’s edition of “Sweet Talk for Thai Sweetheart” my publisher released in 2011 on Kindle. Sweet Talk is a small collection of romance-related expressions drawn from my book Sex Talk: In Search of Love and Romance above and Christopher G. Moore’s book Heart Talk: Say What You Feel in Thai.