………….UPDATE (5 March 2010)…………..
I have asked the question on the Ladies Forum at ThaiVisa.com, to get primarily women’s views, but ended up getting both men’s and women’s. Some of them are very insightful, click here if you want to check out the responses. Note that the first few comments were not representative of the quality of the discussion. (It got better, much better – promise.)
Paul has given his reaction to the discussion at the Ladies Forum thus far in the comment section of this blog entry.
Are we? (Curious Thai women lovers, hold it!! Please don’t flog me! — cowering)
(Hands still blocking head) It’s not my question, girls. Really. One curious (farang) mind wants to know. His name is Paul. …
Paul wants to know why none of his several long-term and short-term Thai (ex-)girlfriends ever seemed to want to know more about him as a person. He didn’t say this, but I guess he must have felt like a serial foreign census respondent, being asked the same basic demographic questions: “where do you come from,” “have you ever been married,” “how many children do you have.”
In his own words [chopped off a bit]:
I have had two long-term relationships (two and three years each) with Thai women and several not so long. None of the women ever asked about my previous life experiences – except for information related to past marriages, children and country of origin.
I can interpret such omissions as being disinterested in me as a person or – perhaps a better explanation – a lack of curiosity about anything beyond Thailand or anything that did not have an immediate or direct influence on them. Even while in the process of asking them about their childhood, their views, their experiences, they did not reciprocate. And I don’t understand why they would not have taken advantage of the opportunity to learn more about my life in my country and the outside world in general. …
Chin scratching moment… (searching insight database — woozz…woozz…)
Not knowing the specific backgrounds of the different GFs you mentioned, it’s a bit hard to give any determinate answer. But with what I’ve got, here’s my take — there could be several reasons, which may not be mutually exclusive (trying to cover major possible bases :-)).
- First, are you the type of person who tends to give a monologue? If so, that usually discourages people to ask questions.
- Have you ever invited any of them to ask about you? Like, “So now I know so much about you. Don’t you want to know more about me?” kind of invitation.
- Do you speak enough Thai, or did any of them speak enough English to engage in the level of discussion you expected?
- What level of education and cultural/social background and personality did they have?
Sorry that my answer is actually a bunch of questions, and really not much of an answer. If you answer “No” to (1) and “Yes” to (2), then it’s probably not your personality that prevented them from wanting to know you more. We now look at (3) – language facility on both sides. If that’s still not a problem, then maybe we’re talking about lack of interest or curiosity on the women’s part. So, we’re down to (4), which is probably where at least a partial explanation lies.
Are Thai women really that disinterested in getting to know their respective foreign lovers?
… (What do you say, Thai women with or without a foreign lover? And foreign lovers of a Thai woman or man?)
I don’t know about other Thai women, but I myself am very interested in my farang hubby as a person. But then I’m only one in 30 million plus Thai women and can’t speak for each of the rest. What I can say is that curiosity is perhaps not a value much admired in Thai culture and the Thai education system doesn’t encourage asking questions much either. Then you have class, individual personality and outlook in life, etc.
It is possible that they might not have felt comfortable asking more personal questions, fearing it might be impolite. Or they might simply have been really disinterested and incurious about you, your culture, your background, etc. Engaging in such a level of discussion takes some effort.
Then, I have a question myself (you got me curious). If it wasn’t you, they were interested in knowing, what were they interested in knowing — that you could tell, that is?
That’s about all the two satangs I can muster to give right now.
Anyone with experience or viewpoint to share, please jump in.